The Notebook: Mac's notebook
by Carebear3
Summary: I decided to give you the answers to what happened with Harm's notebook and everything else that left you confused.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own them, and you know that, and you also know who really owns them, so I'm not gonna put it

Disclaimer: I don't own them, and you know that, and you also know who really owns them, so I'm not gonna put it.

Author's notes: Here's the sequel to The Notebook. You might be lost a little if you don't read that, so read that first. This is the first chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. Thanks!

I know he doesn't know that I kept my own notebook just like he did. But it's quite funny that my notebook takes up right after his ends. I suppose having both notebooks will come in handy one day when my Alzheimer's disease will finally take over my brain and I won't remember Harm's and my past, let alone remember who he even is. 

There's only a few things he doesn't know about me, the notebook I've kept, and why I was really going to leave fifty years ago. And if I ever want to remember, then I suppose I'll have to tell him so that he can tell me.

My mind's starting to go into a fog now, it's been getting worse lately too. The doctors said this would happen eventually, but I didn't expect it so soon. Every time it happens, the fear that takes over me is almost unbearable, because I can't seem to recall simple things about who the man with the gold wedding band is sitting next to me.

Harm looks just as wonderful as I always thought he did. I must admit, he's been so wonderful to me even though I've hurt him numerous times. I guess when you have a love that strong, nothing, no matter how terrible, can sever it. 

We made the choice to move into this nursing home about six months ago, when I was diagnosed. We decided together that it would be easier on our children, as well as us. It was very emotional for me, moving out of the house we married and had three children in.

Harm will come in to check on me in a moment, just to make sure I'm okay. When I forget his name, he has a technique to help me regain my memory. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't, but whenever I ask who we are, he likes to use a different name for each of us. I suspect that it's not just something he does to help me regain my memory on my own, but something he does to keep from being frustrated that I can't seem to recall who we are. I don't blame him for feeling a bit frustrated; I feel that way too sometimes. 

I feel a hand rest on my shoulder, and I look up into his face. "Hi. Having a nice rest?" he asks me with a grin.

"I know something you don't know," I tease him as my hands finger the notebook on my lap. My notebook is very similar to his with the exception of a different color.

"Would it have something to do with that notebook you're holding?" he asks.

"Why yes it would. Would you like to see?"

"Yes."

"You read yours to me. Now its my turn to read mine to you." I open the notebook and I begin to read as he did just a few hours ago.


	2. Chapter 2

She sat there, and then put the car into drive

She sat there, and then put the car into drive. Harm watched as she slowly made her way down the street, and it didn't take him long to react. He immediately went for his car to drive after her.

He pulled up next to her at a stoplight. "What are you doing? Go back," she shouted.

"No. Don't tell me what to do Sarah Mackenzie. Unless you come back with me, I might just have to follow you to wherever you're going," he threatened with a smug grin. 

That only managed to make her more angry and frustrated than she already was. "You don't understand. You have to leave me alone!" she threw back.

"I'll leave you alone when I know you aren't leaving town and me again. And just try me; try to make me understand. Don't run away from your problems."

The light turned green and horns honked behind them. Mac pulled her car into a parking lot, and Harm pulled his in beside her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. "I told you this would happen. Why can't you ever accept something and not pry?" she asked.

"Because I'm not letting you do this to me; to us again. I'll let you go if you give me a reason, but until then, I'm not letting you go."

"Harm, don't tell me what to do either," she said throwing him a glare.

His voice softened. "Okay. I'm backing off. But at least come back to my place and make me understand why you're practically running away."

"I'm not running away. I don't think you'll understand."

"Look, if you don't want to explain it right now, then at least just come back home with me."

Both had gotten out of their cars by that time, and they were standing in front of each other. Daylight had begun to fade and streetlights were coming on. Mac glanced at the darkening sky, and Harm held his breath for what seemed like an eternity as she contemplated what to do.

Her mind and heart were confused. Her mind was urging her to get away as fast as possible, telling her to walk away and don't look back. But her heart was telling her to stay and let Harm help her. She glanced at his face and saw the pain etched into his features, making what her heart was telling her even stronger.

His eyes pleaded with her, but she knew that if she walked away at that moment, he wouldn't go after her again now that she had told him not to. And she would end up losing the most important thing in her life.

It tipped the scales as she opened her mouth to tell him her decision. "If I go back with you, I don't know if I can tell you right now what's wrong," she said as all the frustration left her and fear of rejection replaced it.

He smiled a relieved smile and let out the breath he had been holding. He smiled again and then took an unsure step towards her. She knew he was afraid that he'd do something wrong to make her leave him, so she took the next step to close the gap between them and wrapped her arms around him.

He held her tightly for a minute or two that felt like eternity for both of them. The sun had finished setting, and the lighting around them was dim. "Come on," he whispered and held his hand out to her. She put her hand into his and they walked back to their cars.

Once she had unpacked all of her things again, she sat on his couch and they were both silent. Mac's heart and head were still arguing, whether she should explain why she had felt she had to leave or just stay silent. In the matter of silence, her head won for the night and she tried to let it go out of her mind.

****

I stop for a moment to keep the tears away. He looks at me strangely. "You never did tell me why you wanted to leave," he says, not accusingly, but urging me to tell him now.

"I know," I whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he says. "Will you tell me now?" 

I nod. "It's been in this notebook the entire time. Why don't you take over reading now?"

I hand him the notebook and he flips the page to where I left off. Before he reads out loud to me, he skims through to find the reason. When he finds it, his eyes widen, but he doesn't look mad. Not at all what I had expected from him when he found out. He takes a breath, as do I. I'm prepared to relive the pain I felt back then, and I hope he's ready to understand that time in my life.

Harm closes his eyes and then opens them. "Here goes," he says, and I nod.


	3. Chapter 3

Mac lay in bed a week later waiting for Harm to get in beside her

Mac lay in bed a week later waiting for Harm to get in beside her. She was trying to push the problems to the back of her mind, but it wasn't working. Her mind drifted through the past four months with Harm, and the secret she had been keeping from him for two.

Her secret. The secret she had analyzed for two months, arguing with herself whether to tell him or do something she had considered so terrible that she almost couldn't bring herself to hardly even think about.

She wanted to tell him what had happened and why she hadn't been able to cope with the results. Mac knew he'd understand and he'd try to comfort her, but she couldn't handle being comforted. What she wished for was that she could have told Harm about the secret that she was holding inside before it was too late.

And it was definitely too late. It was an accident from the start, and the results were an accident as well. Mac's heart ached and she felt that this was the kind of pain Harm wouldn't be able to understand.

It had started when she missed her period two months previous. She had gone to her doctor, and found that she was pregnant. Which of course, was a total surprise being that she was on birth control and they had used protection. For a month and a half she had wandered around, torn between telling Harm or keeping it a secret for a while longer. She had even considered another alternative but immediately decided against it. She couldn't bring herself to have an abortion, because it pained her every time she thought about it.

Harm had been concerned when she had been sick, but she passed it off as a cold and the flu. He hadn't questioned it except to be concerned about her.

When Mac had finally worked up the courage to tell Harm, she waited until a day that he was at work and she had a day off. She had bought a card and set up a few baby items around his apartment to give herself courage.

But that morning, she had begun to feel uneasy. And finally, when she started spotting heavily, she panicked and went to her doctor for advice. By that afternoon, the doctor had came back in to tell Mac that she had miscarried. The doctor tried to keep her in the hospital, but the rooms were all full up and so she had regretfully sent Mac home with an order of bed rest.

Mac couldn't shake herself out of the fog she was in or shake the horrible feeling that she had that somehow, because she hadn't originally wanted the baby, that it was her fault. She had immediately taken all the baby items and packed them away with the rest of her things. And then she had just about finished and was ready to leave when Harm came home.

She knew that if she had to face him, she wouldn't be able to keep quiet so she made up something about another job offer. But he had seen through it and brought her back, and there she was.

"Mac," Harm called for the third time. She blinked in surprise and shook the thoughts out of her head. 

"Hmm?" she asked.

"I said, I love you."

"I love you too."

She curled up next to him to sleep and hoped that the empty feeling she had would soon be replaced.

TBC…I will finish with what happened after and what happened with Rachel and Caleb in the next chapter(s).


	4. Chapter 4

"Caleb Alt, don't you dare go out the door," threatened Rachel as she watched Caleb trying to get outside

"Caleb Alt, don't you dare go out the door," threatened Rachel as she watched Caleb trying to get outside.

"But mama, go 'side please?" he pleaded as he watched Harm and Mac get out of their car.

"Cal, they'll be inside in a second," she said just as the doorknob twisted and Harm opened the door. Caleb squealed with delight as Harm picked him up and swung him around.

"Hey Cal," said Mac weakly.

After Harm put him down, he ran over to hug Mac's legs. She closed her eyes for a moment and then picked him up. "Mac sad?" he asked questioningly.

"No, not anymore," she said with a small smile. He grinned happily. She tousled his blond hair and then set him down.

Over dinner, Caleb chatted nonstop to his guests. He was eating up the attention he was getting. Harm put him in his pajamas and then they all three tucked him into bed.

"He's asleep," said Rachel quietly as she came out of his room.

"Now, what's the big news you said you had?" asked Harm as he slumped down onto the couch next to Mac and across from Rachel.

"I hope you're going to be excited when I tell you this," she said looking both unhappy and joyful at the same time.

"We won't know until you tell us," said Harm impatiently. Even Mac looked interested.

"Well…Remember the guy I started dating when you two got together?" she asked trailing off.

"You mean…" said Mac.

She nodded and held out her hand. "He proposed!" she screeched.

Harm jumped up and wrapped her tiny frame in a hug. "That's so wonderful," he said. "Cal will get a new father."

"He really seems to like Mike. And I think it will be good for him to have a man permanently in his life. And I love both of them so much."

After Mac had congratulated her with another hug, Harm became suspicious. "Rach, why didn't you think we'd like the news?"

Her face took on a look of unhappiness. "That wasn't all of the news. The bad news is that…well he was just transferred to Boston," she said looking down. "I already filled out a request form and the Admiral has approved it. We leave in two days."

Harm's smile dropped from his face. He tried to pull it back up and tell her that it was okay, but she shook her head. "Don't tell me that it'll be alright. Caleb and I are going to miss the both of you so much," she said, trying to hold the tears back.

"We're going to miss you too," said Mac as tears began weaving their way down her cheeks.

Harm was silent except to hug her again. "Rach, you're going to have to keep in touch and visit all the time," he said.

"I know. And Cal is going to be upset. I haven't even told him we're moving yet."

They sat back down quietly. "I've begun packing things up. I'm going to finish tomorrow and say my goodbyes to everybody. But I want you guys to come over before we leave, okay?"

"Definitely wouldn't miss it for the world," sniffed Mac.

Once they were home that night, Harm seemed to be in a mood related to Mac's for the past few weeks. She didn't talk to him except to tell him goodnight and that she loved him. She was asleep within a few moments, but he was still wide-awake. He wanted to talk with Mac, like they had a very long time ago. But she was sleeping well for the first night in a long time, so he let her sleep.

Instead he called Rachel, knowing she'd be awake. He talked for a few minutes before asking her if she had thought Mac had been off at all the last few weeks.

"She was acting a little strange, but maybe she has a problem at work she doesn't want to burden you with. Just let her be for a while and she'll start talking to you again," she declared, glad that Harm had her back in his life again.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," admitted. "I feel torn here because you're leaving and she won't talk to me." He instantly regretted the words out of his mouth. "I don't meant to lay guilt on you," he said. "I just meant…well you know."

She laughed. "It's alright Harm. I know. I'll miss our talks too. Go to sleep now. Mac needs you," she said.

"Yeah. Bye," he said as he hung up.

He crawled back into bed next to Mac and tried to put his arm around her comfortingly. And for the first time in a few weeks, she didn't push him away.

TBC 


	5. Chapter 5

Author's notes: Okay, I'm REALLY sorry it took me forever to put this up, but midterms, and friends, and everything was getting in my way 

Author's notes: Okay, I'm REALLY sorry it took me forever to put this up, but midterms, and friends, and everything was getting in my way. I hope you enjoy this, and I'll try to wrap it up pretty quickly. Please Review and tell me what you think!

Mac pulled the car up to Rachel's house, which was in a state of complete upheaval. The movers were taking boxes out of the house, and things were scattered everywhere. Rachel had Caleb on her hip as she ran from place to place trying to keep everything in order. She saw Mac and Harm pull up from the corner of her eye, finished yelling something at the movers, and then made her way over to the car.

"Things are so crazy right now, but I'm glad you're here," she said with a sigh of relief.

Cal held his arms out, and Harm swooped him up making him giggle unstoppably. Both women smiled at the sight. "What time do you leave?" he asked after setting Cal back down to play.

"In about an hour. So make any good-byes quick, because its going to be terrible getting Cal to leave," she said with tears threatening to flow over.

Mac looked at the house and Rachel with sympathy, hoping she'd never have to do the same with her life. "It'll be okay. You'll keep in touch, and we'll visit often. Right?" she said as she tickled Caleb's stomach, making him giggle again.

Rachel nodded and then hurried off to stop the movers from breaking something. Before long, an hour had passed and Rachel's fiancé had shown up.

"So you guys already have a place to stay, right?" asked Harm as he tried to remain cheerful.

"Yeah," she whispered her voice thick with emotion. "We, uh, have to get going pretty quick."

Caleb whined as Harm gave him a last hug, then Mac, and finally Rachel took him to the car. He began to bawl once inside, and Adam got into the driver's seat to try to calm him down. Rachel reached over to pull Mac in a hug, and then Harm.

"We'll call once we're there," she said as she gave them one more choked look and then climbed in the car. They drove off and she looked back, just one more time to see Mac and Harm embracing. She tried to smile through her tears, but she couldn't do it, so she turned around and stopped looking.

"She's gone," Harm said as he and Mac went back to the car. "I hope Caleb gets along well in Boston."

"Me too. Let's go home, okay?" she said.

"Yeah."

***

They waited for almost two days for Rachel's call, but no call came. "Harm, wouldn't she have called by now?"

"Maybe they got sidetracked," he offered.

"No, I don't think so. That's not like Rachel. I have a very bad feeling," she said as she sat down near the phone.

"I don't know. I think they're fine."

She gave him a doubtful look. About five minutes later, the phone rang, and Mac jumped to pick it up. "Hello?"

"Uh-huh. Yeah. What?" A look of alarm came over her face as she listened. When she finally hung up, she turned to Harm. "I knew it. They were in an accident, and they're in the hospital. We've gotta go see them."

Harm took a deep breath in. "Who's, uh, who's hurt?" he asked, trying to get the words to come out.

"I don't know, he didn't say. But we've got to go _now_," she emphasized worriedly.

As soon as they reached the hospital, they ran up to the desk and were directed to the second floor. "Where are Rachel and Caleb?" he asked the doctor as soon as the doctor came over.

"Rachel Alt? Rachel Alt, her fiancé Adam Berger, and Rachel's son Caleb Alt?"

"Yes, that's them. Where are they?" he asked again.

"Maybe you ought to sit down," said the doctor uncomfortably.

"Why? What's wrong with them?" demanded Mac.

"Are you family? Or do you know of their family?"

"She doesn't have any family, and I don't know about Adam. I've been her only real family besides Caleb for two and a half years. At least tell me what's wrong with them."

"They were in a very serious accident. Caleb is in the children's ICU, and he's in serious condition."

"And Rachel?"

"Rachel had very serious internal injuries when she came in, and we took her straight in, but we were unable to save her. She was D.O.A," he said regretfully.

Harm started to breathe faster and faster as Mac sat down in her seat stunned. The room started spinning, and he too had to sit down to think straight.

Another older looking woman and man came running up to where they were sitting. "We're Adam's parents. What happened to him? Where is he?" she asked hysterically.

"Why don't you come with me?"

"No!" she screamed. "Where is my son?"

"Adam had some serious injuries upon arrival, and while we brought him in immediately, your son died early this morning."

Adam's mother screamed hysterically again as his father caught her in his arms and together they sobbed. They didn't even notice Harm, who was sitting beside Mac, both of them in tears as well.

Quietly, the doctor led Mac in to see Caleb. She sat down next to him and gently stroked his forehead. He stirred, but didn't awaken. She tried to smile through her tears, but she couldn't stop thinking about how Caleb had just lost his mother. Suddenly, something hit her. She had just lost a baby a few months ago, and now Caleb had just lost his mother. The pieces were beginning to fit in her mind, and she was forming an idea. 

She touched Caleb's head again, then quickly got up to go see the doctor. She caught him in the hallway, and stopped him to get a few answers. "Doctor, what will happen to Caleb once he's well? He has no family, and his almost step-father is no longer…"

"Well, he'd probably be placed in a foster home once he's well enough. Unless Adam's parents or someone decides to take him in, that's basically the only choice."

"What if my boyfriend and I adopted him?"

"Well, it would look better if you were married, but since you've known him and Rachel for so long, there's a definite possibility."

She smiled despite the circumstances. "I'm going to go discuss this with him. Thank you."

She walked back briskly to where Harm was still sitting listlessly by himself. "Harm," she said shaking him. "Harm, look at me. I need to talk to you."

"What?"

"It's about Caleb. You love him like he was your own son, right?"

"Of course. I can't believe he's just lost his mother."

"Harm, he's going to be put in a foster home. We can't let that happen. We've got to do something."

"Like what? Adopt him?" he said.

"Yes," she said seriously.

"No. I wasn't being serious."

"I am. We have to adopt him and raise him."

"Mac, that's nuts. What, with Rachel's death and you acting so strange for the past few months, there's no way we can take care of him like he needs."

"Look, I was going through a down period. I'm better now, and I want to do this. We can get married and then we'll adopt Caleb."

"We haven't even gotten through our problems. How can we take care of Caleb?"

"We can do it," she said urgently.

"Why do you want this so much?" he asked.

"I can't explain it except to say that when I looked at his sweet face while he was lying in that hospital bed, I couldn't think of sending him somewhere he doesn't know anyone. He knows us, and he loves you like a father. I could just be a stand in."

"I don't know," he said doubtfully.

"Why can't we at least give it a try?"

"I guess we could do it. I mean, it would be like helping Rachel out anyway," he said thoughtfully.

She smiled and leaned down to kiss his cheek. "I knew you'd come around. It'll be okay, I promise you," she said softly. "I know it."

TBC…


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: Okay, here it is, the final chapter 

Author's note: Okay, here it is, the final chapter. Sorry it's so short and took me so long, but it's done now. Please review the final chapter for me. Thanks!

Before they knew it, Caleb was awake and ready to go home. Harm and Mac had explained to him why his mother and Adam were no longer with him. He thought for a moment, then explained it to them in his almost four-year old wisdom. "My mommy said everybody has to live before we go with God to learn 'bout love. Guess mommy learned it fast," he said thoughtfully as Harm and Mac exchanged a look of surprise. 

"I guess she did pal," said Harm as he looked at Cal. "But Cal, now that mommy and Adam are gone, you have to live somewhere else. Would you be okay to live with Mac and I?"

"But what about mommy?" he said.

"Harm, can I talk to him for a moment alone?" asked Mac.

He didn't seem to mind as he shut the door behind him. Mac sat down by his bed and took Caleb's hand. "Caleb, I'm going to tell you something. But it has to be our secret, okay?"

He nodded solemnly as she continued. "Well, a while ago, I had a baby in my tummy. But my baby died and went to Heaven. Now that your mommy is there too, she can take care of my baby for a while until I get to Heaven. And while we're here together, I can take care of you for your mommy. Sound like an agreement?"

"Yeah. Mommy can watch your baby and you can watch me 'til I see mama again."

"That's right," she said, obviously pleased that he understood.

She went over to the door and beckoned Harm in. "He understand?" he asked in a whisper at the door while looking at Cal.

"I think he does."

The doctor had Cal signed out by lunchtime, and the first thing Harm and Mac did was to go to children social services. Once things were taken care of there, they went to lunch, and then finally brought Cal back to Harm's apartment where he immediately christened it at his new home.

Months went by, and by the time Cal turned four, he was the legal son of Harm and Mac. On the night they went out as a family to celebrate, Harm took the two of them to an amusement park. They got onto the first ride Cal saw that just happened to be the merry-go-round. Harm got down on one knee as far as possible and opened the box in front of Mac while Cal, who had known the entire time, giggled uncontrollably. 

"Well, you knew I couldn't be normal and do this, so I let Cal choose where we should go. He chose here, and well, here we are."

Mac smiled and took Caleb's hand. "And?"

"And now that we've worked out most of our problems, I want to know, will you marry me?"

She grinned, then laughed and held out her hand. "I love you, you know."

"I love you too." 

***

Harm shuts the notebook finally. I look at him, waiting to see his reaction to anything and everything. Finally he speaks up. "I think we should give these notebooks to Cal, Jessica, and Rachel so after you and I are gone, they'll know the story of how everything happened in our life before they were born."

I nod silently with a grin creeping over my face. I always knew I loved this man. "I love you dearly, you know."

He throws a grin like he did that night in the amusement park when I agreed to become his wife. "I love you too."


End file.
